On The Wire

SURPRISES ON FORBES' WEALTH LIST

That's Over 200 Gazillion Pesos! - Forbes magazine has released its annual wealth lists.In a surprise, Mexican tycoon Carlos Slim topped Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, becoming the first non-American to be named world's richest man since 1994.Slim runs Mexico's phone company and has an estimated $53.5 billion.He recently made news by loaning the New York Times $250 million at 14 percent interest, but denied that he is interested in owning it.

• *He's only interested in owning New York.
• *Why wouldn't someone want to own a business that has to borrow $250 million from a Mexican loan shark to stay afloat?
• *If I lived in Mexico, I'd be complaining about my phone bill.
• *He owns the Mexican phone company, Taco Bell...So it's amazing that he's Slim.

BAFFLING TOILET TECHNOLOGY

Their #1 Obsession - MSNBC reports that American tourists don't know what to make of Japan's fixation on high-tech toilets.They have an array of puzzling features, including built-in bidets, heated seats and even sound effects to cover your bodily noises.One woman who visited Tokyo said her hotel toilet looked like the Captain's chair on "Star Trek" and had three inexplicable buttons that she pressed, just to see what they'd do. A Manhattan businesswoman was thrown by the rainforest sounds, which she mistook for applause.And a woman said the toilet seat in a coffee shop bathroom automatically lifted when she approached, then lowered, then popped again when she reached for it.She said, "It was like a Venus flytrap."

• *That one even talks...It said, "Feeeeed me!"
• *How does it help to cover your bathroom sounds with the sound of rain?
• *If you want to hear an American scream, listen for the ones who discover the built-in bidet while they're sitting on it.
• *It got really messy when the woman heard the applause and jumped up to take a bow.
• *The three "Star Trek"-like buttons increase the power of the flush...They stand for #1, #2 and "Fire photon torpedoes."

CAR RUNS ON CHOCOLATE

But The "New Car Smell" Leaves A Lot To Be Desired - Researchers at England's University of Warwick unveiled the world's first "sustainable" Formula 3 racecar.It's called "Lola," and it can go up to 135 mph, but most of its materials are made from recycled carrots, potatoes and other garbage.They're developing brake pads for it made from cashews, and it runs on fuel made from waste left over from chocolate factories.

• *Why would a chocolate factory have any waste?
• *The orange upholstery is made from the skin of dead Oompa-Loompas.
• *The best part: the smell of chocolate makes it a chick magnet.
• *If it stops running and you get stranded, you can just eat it.

Click here for: THE JOKE OF THE DAY!

COPYRIGHT 2006 - COMEDY WIRE PUBLISHING - (214) 905-9299