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They ‘Gol Darn Gone And Done It’
October 21, 2016
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Have I ever shared the turtle and the scorpion fable with you? Don’t worry, it’s short, and has a point:
A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on his back across a river. "Are you mad?" Asked the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming, and I'll drown."
"My dear turtle," laughed the scorpion, "if I were to sting you, you would drown, and I would go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?"
"You're right!" said the turtle. "Hop on!" The scorpion climbed aboard, and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle resignedly said:
"You said there'd be no logic in stinging me. Why did you do it?"
"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied. "It's just my nature."
And now you know how I felt while attending the usually fulfilling and thoroughly watchable “CMT Artist of The Year” taping Wednesday evening (10/19) that aired last night (10/20). They had me hooked and feeling great about the show honoring 2016’s most accomplished artists with a blockbuster lineup, live performances, and a superstar tribute to Shania Twain scheduled. I was all in. Then, speaking of Shania, as she once sang in her 1997 smash, “Love Gets Me Every Time,” CMT “Gol Darn Gone And Done It,” exerting its hipper-than-thou, aren’t-we-just-the-coolest-kids-in-the-room, aspirational tendencies.
As is their nature, CMT paired budding Swedish Pop star Zara Larsson (quick show of hands if you’ve heard of her) with already legit American star Thomas Rhett for a duet of his ginormous career song from 2016, “Die A Happy Man.” Not just a duet, mind you, but a performance that – as past is prologue with CMT – included a mash-up of Larrson’s recent top 5, Top 40 single, “Never Forget You.” Some of you who read this space regularly know of my disdain for random, one-from-column-A and one-from-column-B collaborations on awards shows. As I’ve said, I understand seeking out a TV-ratings moving moment, a la Stapleton-Timberlake on last year’s CMA telecast. That was pure magic. So I concede that it’s going to keep happening, as much as I hate it, but continue to feel it disrespects and denigrates our own genre 99% of the time.
But I find this instance particularly egregious, because Thomas Rhett wasn’t just fulfilling a performance slot on the show – he was an HONOREE that night. I would argue that of all the evenings “Artists Of The Year,” Thomas Rhett made the biggest strides in 2016 in terms of stepping up his career to another level. Additionally, with all due respect to his fellow AOTY recipients, “Die A Happy Man” was the biggest song of the year. It was a huge, #1 radio hit and a massive seller. The latest Soundscan digital songs figures show it clocking in at 1,645,789 sold – and counting. It’s also a CMA Song Of The Year nominee.
My sources tell me Rhett did want to change up the song a bit – having played it on national TV several times already – and he was familiar with Larrson. And yes, Larrson is beautiful, young, certainly appealing to Millennials, and can definitely sing. Also, as CMT reported today (10/21) in its own coverage of the show that may or may not differ from mine, Rhett, while accepting his AOTY award said of Larrson, “Her voice is incredible. I’m glad she got to share that with you guys.” But that’s immaterial as far as I’m concerned. Chris Stapleton didn’t duet with “Whiskey And You” on the show. Florida Georgia Line didn’t have a guest vocalist on “May We All.” Not even somebody taking Tim McGraw’s part. Kelsea Ballerini didn’t need help on “Peter Pan.” Luke Bryan and Karen Fairchild sang “Home Alone Tonight” unaided. Carrie Underwood did have backing vocals from noted songwriters Liz Rose, Lori McKenna, and Hilary Lindsey on “Like I’ll Never Love You Again,” but it was her performance.
So why does Thomas Rhett need a mostly unknown (to US audiences) Pop artist to supposedly validate him? Don’t answer, that’s a rhetorical question, because the answer is: he doesn’t. I guess if Rhett is glad Larrson got to share her voice with all of us, I’m sort of okay with it, too – but why did CMT insist she share her song, too? Last night was just as awkward as rockers Fall Out Boy imposing on Rhett last year at the CMAs, messing up “Crash And Burn” by forcing in a few bars of “Uma Thurman.” Talk about your non sequiturs. Talk about crashing and burning. Please – don’t misunderstand: I don’t blame Thomas Rhett here. He’s great, and I just wish everybody would leave him and his music the hell alone. He doesn’t need Fall Out Boy or Zara Larrson – or anybody – to prove he’s a star. Because he IS a star. Leave him be.
As I said, CMT’s “Artist of the Year” is an otherwise great show, just as the “ACM Honors” is. These are shorter, simpler, stripped down cousins of the CMT Music Awards and the ACM Awards, respectively. And that’s the charm. There’s more room to breathe, musically, and more room for the warm and fuzzy to come out, with award recipients not rushed to get off stage when making remarks, even when they talk too long and say too much.
And the performances tend to be pure and spontaneous, too. In 2014 at the CMT “Artist of the Year” show, I was blown away by Keith Urban’s stylish cover of James Brown's 1966 hit, “It's A Man's, Man’s, Man's World,” which – in a cleverly planned irony – featured an all-female band. Its 90-minute format is a fat-free, crisply executed production. Two years ago, many viewers got their first look at Chris Stapleton, when he sat in with Lady Antebellum – last minute – for Luke Bryan on “Drink A Beer,” (which Stapleton penned) due to the sudden and tragic passing of Bryan’s brother-in-law.
On last night’s show, after Stapleton magically sang “Whiskey And You” alone with a guitar, and while accepting his award from presenter Luke Bryan, he thanked CMT for giving him that early national exposure and paid belated respects to Bryan – it was a genuine, real moment. The Shania Twain tribute also worked, with Meghan Trainor, Kelsea Ballerini, and Jill Scott performing. Twain took the stage and was genuinely moved at being honored, saying “Music has always been my best friend.” She spoke a lot longer than what would be allowed on a standard televised awards show, and that was the appeal. Likewise, Carrie Underwood got all choked up after seeing a clip of her son, Isaiah Michael, in the pre-taped segment showcasing her year. She thanked husband Mike Fisher for his support and got even more choked up. Again: Real. Genuine. Heartfelt.
So much better than anything contrived and forced – like the unnecessary Rhett duet. The “Artist of The Year” broadcast doesn’t need gimmicks and should resist chasing down that elusive, special “TV moment.” Because Carrie Underwood crying, Shania Twain simply being there, and Chris Stapleton oozing humility and gratitude without even trying provide all the emotional takeaways anyone who loves this format needs. The lineup, the performances, and the heartfelt acceptance speeches demonstrate the "three chords and the truth" essence of Country music; it's low hanging fruit that I wish producers of awards shows in our genre would stick to harvesting, rather than trying to genetically engineer inspiration.
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