Overnight Briefing & General Reality Check - Feb 12, 2013
February 12, 2013
Hey, let's show one of our greatest presidents some love! His birthday is the 12th, so we've just got time to mention it today! Did you know Abe grew a beard for the 1860 presidential campaign after a little girl named GRACE BEDELL wrote him a letter telling him that all the ladies like whiskers and they'd tease their husbands to vote for him. So he became the first president to have a beard! (Source: "U-S Presidents for Dummies").
Editor's note: Try telling a candidate something like that today --they gotta have 18 different surveys and polls before they'll even go to the bathroom just to see what toilet paper brand to use. (RB)
The Pope resigns:
With the pope's big announcement yesterday, it didn't take long for the inevitable conspiracy theories to pop up, "explaining" his resignation:
His Nazi History. Benedict has admitted to joining the Hitler Youth during his German childhood, calling it a "dark time" in his past. Twitter users were quick to pounce with posts like this one: "Resigning for health reasons! Yeah. That's it. Not because of anything scandalous like ... having a Nazi youth past."
Sex Scandal. Not only has a sex-abuse scandal rocked the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict is said to have personally approved an accused molester's transfer to therapy. After PIERS MORGAN tweeted, "As a Catholic, I'm not buying this," another twitterer suggested he see an HBO documentary on the subject, "Mea Maxima Culpa."
The Prophecy. Of course, there's a prophecy. A bishop named Malachy allegedly proclaimed in 1140 that the 111th pope --the one after Benedict-- will reign during the downfall of the church. But as the National Review explains, Malachy's predictions were likely invented for political reasons. What? People with religious influence making things up for political reasons? No way!
Fatal Illness. "Italians are great conspiracy theorists, so they are all looking for other reasons why he may have quit," says a reporter for the London Telegraph. "I think the most popular reason that people were coming up with was that they just think perhaps he is much more ill than we have been told."
Weight of Scandal. Not exactly a conspiracy, this theory holds that church scandals have been hard on Benedict's health. A longtime friend tells Der Spiegel, "It is difficult to imagine the degree of intrigue that is present in Rome." (Maiman)
Idle gossip & unconfirmed rumors:
Where do you meet quality men if your name is BRITNEY SPEARS? The internet, of course! Insiders close to the pop tart tell the National Enquirer the 200-million-dollar woman has been prowling around on millionairematch.com and richsoulmate.com hoping to find Mr. Right. Apparently she's done lots of anonymous flirting, but hasn't met anyone in the flesh just yet. (Lee)
There will be a special guest at tonight's State of the Union address. The Huffington Post says Texas Republican Congressman STEVE STOCKMAN has invited TED NUGENT to President BARACK OBAMA's big speech. Ted's a huge supporter of gun rights, and Stockman is ready to file articles of impeachment against the president over gun control. The Congressman also said that Ted will be available to the press after the speech to offer his comments. (Marino)
Small town, small people:
Folks in Montana got a jolt when an emergency alert interrupted the "Stever Wilkos Show" to report that a zombie apocalypse had begun. (video)
Civil authorities in your area have reported that the bodies of the dead are rising from their graves and attacking the living," said the alert. "Do not attempt to approach or apprehend these bodies as they are considered very dangerous."
Several people called police to see if the hoax was true. The alert was promptly yanked from the air and the TV station (KRTV) issued an on-air apology.
So far, no clues who did it or how they did it.
Editor's note: Since Steve Wilkos is basically a reincarnation of Jerry Springer, I can't think of a better audience to pull this on. In fact, the zombies are probably smarter.
--There are people in Montana? Actually it's just one guy and 1,005,141 guns. (Maiman)
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