Overnight Briefing & General Reality Check - Mar 4, 2013
March 4, 2013
Sucking the life out of the wire services:
HONEY BOO BOO is in hot water with the Girl Scouts even though she's not a Girl Scout.
The reality star started hawking Girl Scout cookies on her Facebook page but the organization shut the whole thing down.
Much to the consternation of many a Thin Mint addict, you're not allowed to sell the cookies online because the whole point is to learn people skills, among other lessons. No to mention, the little squirt isn't a Girl Scout. She was selling them on behalf of a friend who actually is a girl scout.
It's a bummer for Honey Boo Boo fans because the treats came complete with autographed boxes, signed photos and "extremely detailed Facebook updates about how the shipping process was sporadically affected by the health problems experienced by the family's patriarch, 'Sugarbear.'"
A silver lining: The troop will get credit for the sales Honey Boo Boo already made. Her mother, known as Mama June, claims they'd sold more than 400 boxes.
Editor's note: I like how the organization says you can't sell the cookies online because they want the girls to learn valuable lessons about character building. Like, getting their parents to hawk the cookies at work. Makes no sense to me.
--It ain't just cookies. Honey Boo Boo makes me want to stop eating altogether. (Maiman)
Update: warning --note sexual content:
Turns out --as you probably suspected-- that former Miss Delaware Teen USA, MELISSA KING, actually *DID* do that triple-X-rated video for the website GirlsDoPorn.com.
How do we know? Because one of the people who runs the website has a video of Melissa identifying herself while reading a release form before she shot the video. And they told TMZ.com Melissa originally reached out to them to shoot the video in the first place and was paid $15-hundred dollars for the shoot.
Now, of course, an x-rated video she'd film would be worth a lot more. Another website --YouPorn-- has offered her $250-thousand dollars to be the, er, face of that website and promote it around the world.
But wait --there's more! Melissa not only lost her crown for allegedly making a porn tape, turns out she's also wanted on double arrest warrants in Maryland for allegedly stealing from a city bus fare box and underage possession of alcohol. Melissa never appeared in either case, and a warrant was put out in August for the theft case and in October for the alcohol case.
Quotable: "On the bright side, she could still become Miss New Jersey." (Stevens & Grdnic's "Daily Comedy Exclusive")
Here's a fashion accessory that's literally out of left field... an Astroturf handbag! Philadelphia-based handbag designer CONRAD BOOKER has created a line of clutch bags made entirely out the synthetic grass. It also features a very trendy velvet Union Jack flag on the front. Racked.com says the limited-edition Astroturf bags go for $135 dollars. And they were inspired by this year's Philadelphia Flower Show, which has a British theme. (Bartha)
High School hijinks:
Memo to any students: don't use the theme song from "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" as your ringtone or as your answering machine recording.
At a Beaver County, PA, high school outside Pittsburgh last Thursday, a school employee called a student's cell-phone and got a voice-mail message that played the part of the "Fresh Prince" theme song. The part that goes, "shooting some b-ball outside of the school."
But to the school employee, it sounded like "shooting some people outside of the school."
That was enough for her to call 911 and report the "threat," which led the school district to be locked down for a half-hour and the student to be detained and questioned for three hour, while his locker was unlocked and searched.
Everything was later figured out and the student was released, undoubtedly to change his voice-mail message first thing.
Stupid people, stupid places:
A California man tried to break his fall with an umbrella, just like MARY POPPINS.
The Huffington Post reports professional BASE jumper ERIK RONER jumped out of a hot air balloon in the skies over southern California. Roner then opened an umbrella to slow his descent. It worked for a few seconds, but then he started speeding up and the umbrella ripped. So, he had to use a parachute. Roner caught his stunt on video and uploaded it to YouTube. (Still)
Physicians Formula has launched Sexy Booster Sexy Glow Makeup. The marketing materials call the blusher, bronzer and lip gloss "lingerie for your face" but claim there's actual science behind the products, and pheromones IN THEM: "...infused with a warm vanilla fragrance, 'afterglow' illumination and a Sexy-Boosting Formula including clinically tested Androstenol, Cocoa Extract (aka "The Love Chemical") and ancient aphrodisiac Horny Goatweed to enhance your sexy side."
Yes, Horny Goat Weed, or Epimedium to botanists. Also known as Rowdy Lamb Herb, Randy Beef Grass, Barrenwort, Bishop's Hat, Fairy Wings, or the Chinese Yin Yang Huo. WebMD says it's believed to be a natural remedy for erectile dysfunction, but says the side effects can range from dry mouth and upset stomach to low blood pressure, irregular heartbeat and respiratory failure.
According to legend, the aphrodisiac property of Horny Goat Weed was discovered by a Chinese goatherd who noticed sexual activity in his flock after they ate the weed. It's a popular supplement in China but not cultivated for it, so the wild populations of the plant are in danger of getting wiped out by foragers.
As for Androstenol --produced by the adrenal glands and found in the sweat of humans and pigs!-- the site Pheromones4u.com identifies it as the "Ice-Breaker Pheromone" because it's associated with sociability, friendliness and approachability. The site says it makes one appear not only more confident but also healthy, youthful and, therefore, reproductively fit and sexually more attractive, and "makes women more relaxed, talkative and giggling."
All that and a rosy glow, for $12 to $14 per product at a drugstore near you. (Kaye)
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