“Too Soon?” Not For This

"That sound you heard was me breathing a huge sigh of relief … Damn. I feel really blessed right now."

That was an email from CBS Radio Country KFRG/Riverside PD/morning personality Scott Ward. He'd just received word from a listener who won tickets to the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Las Vegas; they were home safely. KFRG gave away 75 pair of tickets to the festival, and in the hours after the tragedy, Ward spent most of his time frantically trying to reach all of them. By midday Wednesday (10/4), two contest winners had still not returned messages, even after he'd repeatedly tried every means possible to contact them via phone, email, text, and Facebook. That email left only one listener who hadn't replied.

Earlier in the day, I'd called Scott on a random, unrelated music question. During our conversation, his concern, fear for his listeners’ safety, and the stress accrued since Sunday was palpable – and understandable – even on the phone. In the middle of our call, I'd heard that familiar "ding" in the background, meaning he'd received a new text message. "Hold on," Ward said, checking. It was one of the two remaining listeners he'd been trying to reach since Monday; they were okay.

Knowing his station fans were safe was a relief, but Ward had also spent the week asking himself many "what if" questions. KFRG staffers were at the Vegas show, along with station clients. In a serendipitous twist of fate, they'd left before the shooting. Ward's morning co-host, Kelli Green, had planned on seeing Jason Aldean, but decided to go eat something instead, and possibly return later into the set. Sylvia, the wife of KFRG GM Michael Valenzuela -- who had been sitting in the same area where many victims were hit -- left early, because the shoes she'd been wearing caused a blister on her foot.

Ward wasn't among the staff in Las Vegas, but he was still feeling the pain, trying to process what the hell had happened. "There have been a lot of tears and a lot of hugs, so far, around here this week," he told me.

Similarly, Owens One Broadcasting Country KUZZ/Bakersfield PD Brent Michaels, who had been in Las Vegas broadcasting from the festival all weekend, was not present when the violence erupted. "I had left just before Jason Aldean's set and returned to my room at the MGM Grand," Michaels told me. "But very quickly, that became pretty chaotic."

Though none were KUZZ contest winners, four people from the KUZZ listening area were among the dead. "Two from Bakersfield; one from Taft, CA; and one from Tehachapi, CA," said Michaels. "I had contact info for many listeners because of meet and greet contesting we were doing," he continued. "After the shootings, I immediately texted everyone to get a response ... thankfully, everyone responded relatively quickly."

“The last few days have been difficult, to say the least,” says Michaels, who – like Ward – has gone through the "what if" and "coulda been" process, too. "A lot of survivor's guilt, a lot of wondering about why things unfolded the way they did," shared Michaels. "But, I'll say one thing – I am so grateful for the Country community. I was checking on listeners, they were checking on me… same with record reps. Just about every artist in my phone (including many who were not at the festival) reached out to me to ask if I was okay, and if there was anything I needed. I'm thankful everyone in radio, records, and artist camps are accounted for."

SiriusXM "The Highway" morning personality Storme Warren was literally in tears while explaining to Howard Stern what he saw Sunday night while standing on stage during Aldean's show as the shooting started."The Highway" afternoon host Buzz Brainard was obviously shaken, too, while describing the experience, in which his son had joined him for the weekend festival. They both scrambled for safety under a tour bus backstage, witnessing bullets ricochet off the ground just a few feet away.

Jason Aldean canceled all this weekend's shows, originally set for Los Angeles, San Diego and Anaheim, telling fans, "I feel like out of respect for the victims, their families, and our fans, it is the right thing to do. It has been an emotional time for everyone involved this week, so we plan to take some time to mourn the ones we have lost and be close with our family and friends."

We talk a lot about the Country music industry being a community, because it truly is one. Radio, labels, artists, crew, booking agents – everybody shares a collegial attitude toward one another for the most part, and all of us feel as though we're working for the greater good of advancing this music, even though some of us are in competition with one other. But, that list includes fans and listeners, too, which is why Sunday's tragedy is crushing and painful to all of us. The injured, the dead, and all 22,000 fans in attendance Sunday are the reason we're all able to live our dreams. Losing just one of them is similar to losing a member of your church congregation.

In general, Country fans usually share more than just a love for the music. If you were at a Jason Aldean show – or, any Country show, for that matter – and started a conversation with a complete stranger next to you, you'd probably discover you each share common ground beyond favorite Aldean songs. Core Country fans all agree: following the music is a lifestyle. With that comes a belief system, similar to other community-oriented organizations or clubs that provide a social structure for members.

For example, many of you know I'm heavily into cycling. I've been a member of cycling clubs in two different states, and ridden events in more than 10 different ones. I've observed that all cyclists have pretty much the same DNA: responsible and always helpful to others, obsessed with the sport, fastidious about their appearance, total gear heads, with all abiding by the unwritten rule that nobody discusses work. Same thing with Country fans, and the professionals who keep the music industry moving: they're good, solid people. Every Country concert is a de facto convention for this unique club membership. Something horrible happened at the last convention, and we're all badly hurting, because we're interconnected. While over 50 were killed, and hundreds more injured, every single person attending and/or working Sunday's Las Vegas event are victims, because witnessing something like that firsthand is clearly not normal. In fact, it's traumatic, and can't be easily shrugged off in a few days – or even weeks.

Additionally, I think many in the industry – even those NOT on site in Vegas – will need to work through many emotions. You cannot be in this business, have turned on the news Monday morning, and not immediately have been paralyzed with fear because someone you know may have been there. How many of us ran to Facebook for safety check-ins, or began texting everybody we know as fast as we could?

Monday (10/2) was an emotionally draining day for everyone in our format. As CBS Radio KFRG/Riverside evening personality Vicki Pepper – a former co-worker of mine at KZLA – posted on her Facebook page, "The last time I left a radio station this emotionally exhausted was on September 11th, 2001, when, as a scrappy young intern, I answered the listener line non-stop from 11am-9pm."

And Monday DID feel similar to 9/11. The shooting was long over, but the aftermath was nearly as excruciating as 9/11. The news kept getting worse. The sadness and helplessness felt by this industry grew with each passing minute, and the minutes passed by all too slowly.

At a Monday evening vigil organized by Nashville Mayor Megan Barry and the CMA, with performances by Vince Gill and Keith Urban – who sang "Go Rest High On that Mountain," and "Bridge Over Troubled Water," respectively – Urban described trying to answer his nine-year old daughter's question about why he was so quiet Monday morning. When he told her many lives were lost, she asked, "Did you know any of them?" Urban said, "Not that I know of." After she asked, "Then, why are you so sad?" Urban shared with the crowd what he told his daughter: "Well, first, they were innocent. But, they're like family – it IS community – I DID know those people in that way, and it just really hit me."

We're all seeing friends and associates sorting out feelings via social media, and I have to believe this is therapeutic. Of course, there are lots of other conversations taking place, too, in the aftermath, but I gravitate toward the ones that humanize and sympathize – rather than politicize – this tragedy.

Wednesday, I received an email from Kris Daniels, who recently left her PD post at Beasley Country KCYE/Las Vegas to devote all of her time to a new practice focusing on marriage and family therapy. Concurrent with her radio career, Daniels pursued a degree in Psychology, earning her Masters in 2015. She and her husband were at the show Sunday – on stage, in fact – when the shooting started. Daniels feared for her life so much that, while running to safety, she called her mother, asking her to take care of her kids if anything happened to her and her spouse.

In the aftermath, she realized counseling would be necessary – not only for her, but many others. "So, what happens now?" asked Daniels in her email. "How do we cope?"

First, she says, "Every individual is different and reacts differently." Step one is processing what happened. "Don’t try to make sense of it, because you can't. For some, that could take a couple days, and that is alright." Daniels offered these coping tips:

• Limit the time you spend on watching the news and reading social media. It is okay to be informed, but you can’t allow yourself to become obsessed with what happened.

• Some stress reactions you may feel are: Lack of focus, inability to sleep, and being over-emotional

"Those are normal," said Daniels, adding, "One way to help with these is exercise. Also, talk to people you trust and feel safe speaking to. It is ok to have feelings and express these feelings. Talking about it allows you to think through the process and express your feelings. Remember, whenever you are dealing with PTSD, you can still go through the grieving processes. This also is true if you go through a divorce, or lose a job, etc."

Daniels reminded me about five stages people my go through:

• Denial

• Anger

• Bargaining

• Depression

• Acceptance

"There is no time frame for how long you go through these stages; each person is different," said Daniels. "None of us could predict that this was going to happen. There is nothing you could have done differently, because you didn’t know what was about to happen. You can’t feel guilty that you are safe."

In addition to trying exercise, Daniels suggested getting out in the community. "Even if you are in Nashville, California, or Arizona, help any way you can. Give blood, donate items, and just belong. Being a part of something will help you feel a sense of community, and you will see a community coming together after a horrible incident. The reason we all love what we do is because we are a part of the Country music family – and it IS a family."

Daniels has offered free, confidential therapy sessions to anyone who asks. "I know what they're going through, and I'm here to help," she told me. Not only that, but she is a certified therapist, so this is one shameless plug I'm proud to share. Reach Daniels here. Even if you don't contact Kris, if you're dealing with any of the symptoms outlined above, I urge you to please seek some kind of assistance.