Overnight Briefing & General Reality Check

Easter, the Day After:

It's Easter time, so you know what that means: an image of the VIRGIN MARY has popped up again.
   A New Mexico woman claims to have spotted an image of the Virgin Mary in her marble bath tub.
   They've lived in the house for a few years but the family rarely uses the spare bathroom, let alone the tub.
   "I'm a shower person, explains DANNEL GRIEGO. "I hardly take baths. I don't even know why we put the bathtub in the house."
   The Virgin Mary image appears to be holding the Baby Jesus.
   "We're not saying it's a miracle from God," says Griego, "but He put it there for a reason."
   Editor's note: I forget: Which one is the patron saint of bathroom fixtures?
   --See as they'd never used it before, sounds to me like the only virgin in this story is the tub.
   --Mary in my toast... Mary on my Dorito... Mary in traffic. If God is everywhere, then the Virgin Mary has to be in the top five, because she's just about everywhere else.
   --For those of you wondering why the Virgin Mary was always spotted on buildings and signs, and Elvis wasn't... the answer is, he wouldn't fit. (Maiman)

Sucking the life out of the wire services:

Warning: note sexual content.
   SANDRA BULLOCK isn't holding her breath that things with JESSE JAMES will miraculously work out. Photographers for TMZ.com were on-hand to see moving trucks picking up loads of furniture and other goods from the couple's home last Friday. Jesse took the news in stride --Star magazine reports he retaliated by checking out of rehab!
   Meanwhile, MICHELLE "Bombshell" McGEE --a.k.a Mistress #1 from the motorcycle man's cheating scandal-- returned to her "normal life" last week. The heavily-inked exotic dancer headed back to work at the "Pure Platinum" gentleman's club and it looks like her stock has risen --lap dances by the brunette are now going for a cool 100-bucks-per-pop. Michelle is milking every second of her fifteen-minutes-of-fame --she's also set to referee a boxing match between JON GOSSELIN's ex-girlfriend, HAILEY GLASSMAN, and XXX-star GINA LYNN in Philadelphia on May 7th. (Lee)

Another Chalk Outline (not!):

March 2010 is the first month in 44 years that no one was murdered in Newark, New Jersey. The Star-Ledger crowed about the "slay-free" calendar month on April first --an entire 32-day period without a murder in New Jersey's largest city. Observers credit aggressive crime-fighting efforts put in place by Mayor CORY BOOKER, elected in 2006 on promises to restore Newark's economy and civic order. (Kaye)

Grace notes from Vinny Marino:

Now that baseball season has begun, you'll be hearing the national anthem just about every night of the week. The New York Post has put together lists of the best and worst renditions of the "Star Spangled Banner" from sporting events over the last 40 years.

The 5 Best:

5. BEYONCE: 2006 Super Bowl at Detroit's Ford Field
4. JOSE FELICIANO: 1968 World Series at Tiger Stadium in Detroit. Half the crowd loved the extended version, while the other half, including some of the players, thought it was disrespectful.
3. MARVIN GAYE: 1983 NBA All-Star Game at the Los Angeles Forum.
2. JIMI HENDRIX: Woodstock Festival, 1969. Jimi closed out the historic three days of peace and love on the morining of the fourth day.
1. WHITNEY HOUSTON: 1991 Super Bowl, Tampa Bay, Florida. She roused the crowd and the nation just after the Persian Gulf War began. A great moment in the history of music.

The 5 Worst:

5. CARL LEWIS: 1993 New Jersey Nets game. The Olympic sprinting champ's voice cracked...twice. 
4. STEVEN TYLER of AEROSMITH: 2001 Indianapolis 500. He changed "home of the brave" to "home of the Indy 500.
3. MACY GRAY: 2001 Pro Football Hall of Fame exhibition game. She skipped entire verses.
2. LUCY LAWLESS: 1997 Anaheim Mighty Ducks game: Xena The Warrior Princess had a wardrobe malfunction and busted out of her strapless red costume.
1. ROSEANNE BARR: 1990 San Diego Padres game. Screamed the anthem off-key, then grabbed her crotch and spit at the end. (Marino)