Overnight Briefing & General Reality Check

Equal time:

AL GORE is off the hook.
   The former vice president has been cleared of sexual assault charges by the district attorney in Portland, OR, after a masseuse claimed Gore pressured her for sex.
   Police, who reopened the investigation earlier this month, say the masseuse couldn't provide enough credible evidence that she was assaulted by Gore in his hotel room in 2006.
   Her pants, which she claims may have been stained, Monica Lewinsky-style, had no stains at all. Police also say the woman failed a polygraph.
  The D-A's office says it appears the woman sold her story to the National Enquirer, motivated by publicity. (Maiman)

Idle gossip & unconfirmed rumors:

Sources tell the NY Daily News that LINDSAY LOHAN will be released this morning and immediately head into rehab per Judge MARSHA REVEL's orders. JANE ROBISON, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles DA's office, told the News that Lindsay has been ordered into a rehab center in west Los Angeles, rather than Morningside Recovery in Orange County as originally planned.
   Meanwhile Lindsay's inmate status hasn't affected her popularity. The British tabloid the London Sun reports the trouble-making starlet receives 250 letters-per-day from adoring fans, but isn't allowed to read them all --she's given just ten of the notes twice a day during her allotted phone time. (Lee)

DAVID HASSELHOFF's reality show isn't off to good start --and it didn't even start yet! A poll in Star magazine reports that 58% of readers of the tabloid won't watch The Hoff and daughter HAYLEY and TAYLOR ANN on the A & E show.

High-profile celebrities and jail: It's slammer time:

NICOLE "Snooki" POLIZZI of "Jersey Shore" wound up in the clink last Friday afternoon. TMZ.com reports she'd been having a ball while sucking down beer bongs on the boardwalk. Then she tried to get on a man's bicycle and wiped out on the Boardwalk, so she stormed onto the beach without paying the $5 entry fee. She'd just tried to shove a man showering off the beach sand and salt off his body when local police stepped in and arrested her for disorderly conduct.
   "Do you know who I am? I'm (bleep)-ing Snooki," she allegedly told cops. "You can't do this to me! I'm (bleep)-ing Snooki. You guys are going to be sorry for this. Release me!" She was later released on her own recognizance and headed out for dinner with one of her cast mates that night.
   KEN HERSHEY, the mayor of Seaside Heights, NJ, where she was arrested, told the NY Post he thought it was great: "We're getting wonderful publicity," he said. "We couldn't pay a half-million dollars for this." (Lee)

Broadcast, cable and video news:

The 23rd annual Shark Week began yesterday on the Discovery Channel. Tonight, it's the "Shark Attack Survival Guide" and Tuesday night, "Shark Bite Beach." By the way... you can also "Shark Yourself" or send a "Happy Shark Week" card HERE.

Grace notes:

JUSTIN BIEBER demanded that SELENA GOMEZ take off her heels before she did a performance with him last week so that she wouldn't tower over him. PerezHilton.com says the Disney Channel star told Justin to deal with the fact that he's short, and no, she would not take off her heels. (Marino)

Wanna get married at Ozzfest? The traveling metal festival is offering "Unholy Matrimony Packages" to couples who want to tie the knot during its August 14th to 24th run. You get 10 general admission tickets, a wedding ceremony conducted by Ozzfest MC BIG DAVE, a cake and champagne toast. No, you don't get to meet OZZY or the tour's other headliner, MOTLEY CRUE, but they may steal some of your champagne. Most of the wedding packages for the tour are already sold out, but you can still get married in Chicago, Pittsburgh and Boston. (Marino)