Overnight Briefing & General Reality Check

State politics:

Things are bad --very bad-- in Detroit. Because of a massive budget crunch, the State of Michigan has ordered Detroit's school officials to implement a drastic cost-cutting plan that brings their budget back into balance.   Just how drastic is the plan? Detroit will have to close half of its schools, increase high school class size up to sixty students in some cases and consolidate several other operations. (Pacelli)

Gossip Central: tabloids with Cory Myers:

KATIE HOLMES is horrified by an FBI Scientology investigation. Star magazine reports that the investigators are looking into allegations of human trafficking, abuse and slave labor and Katie feels that hubby TOM CRUISE misled her about his faith and isn't happy about her association with it. The tabloid also caught a pic of the couple at dinner with four-year-old SURI and there's a baby bottle on the table! At four, Suri should be drinking out of a sippy cup.

Setting a good example:

Never try to rob anyone with access to a can of soup.
   The Haverhill Eagle Tribune reports that an attempted robbery at a Wal-Mart in Methuen, MA, ended in a bust when the victim clocked the thief with a can of soup.   REYNALDO CEPEDA went in and cashed a check, then began shopping in one of the aisles. Casing the joint, one JAMES EGAL approached him and demanded cash. Cepeda said 'no thanks.' Witnesses say Egal is a lot bigger than Cepeda. Egal punched him in the face and reached into his pocket to grab the cash. Cepeda grabbed a can of soup off the nearby shelf and struck James so hard in the forehead "you could hear the can pop."   An off-duty cop happened to be in the store and made the arrest. Egal is in court this morning.
   Editor's note: That guy's lucky. What if Cepada had decided to give him the full 7 course meal, you know the "soup to nuts" menu.
   --Musta been Campbell's new soup, Cream of Squash. (Either that or Cold Cock Soup. Bean?)   --Confucius say: Man who get self into soup end up in can. (Your not soup-posed to rob people!)
   --What kind of permit would you need for a soup kitchen? (I think only the national guard can handle that much soup. --Maiman)

Reality Round-Up:

How about a reality show about "flash mobs"??? That's where a bunch of people show up at a location, like a shopping mall food court, and then, unbeknownst to the diners, begin performing.
   Deadline.com says HOWIE MANDEL will host the show, which features "special guests planning extraordinary surprises for friends, family members, loved ones or co-workers." The show --called "Mobbed"-- will air Mar 31, following "American Idol."

Grace notes:

THE MONKEES are reuniting to celebrate the group's 45th anniversary. DAVY JONES, MICKY DOLENZ and PETER TORK will hit the road for a tour which kicks off in England on May 12th with a gig at Liverpool's Echo Areba. The Monkees have not performed in the UK in more than 12 years. The 10 British concerts include a show at London's Royal Albert Hall. So far, only one date is booked in the U.S.: June 19th at Wolf Trap in Vienna, Virginia. No, MIKE NESMITH will not be on the tour. (Marino)

Weird science:

A guy in India says he's revolutionized transportation.
   Agence France-Presse says inventor A. K. VISHWANATH claims to have converted a 1980s model Maruti 800 --India's smallest car-- into a flying vehicle (picture). The man says his flying machine will allow commuters to bypass traffic jams by taking to the skies.
   The problem is, Vishwanath so far has refused to actually demonstrate the car's amazing flying abilities. And, he won't show anyone what's under the hood.
   The inventor says he's been working on the project for 16-years. (Still)