How Does Shame Show up? (Part 3 of 3)

In my previous columns, I spoke about what shame is and how it starts.

It shows up in our lives in many ways, most of them unconscious.

Shame is the "man behind the curtain" running our lives.

It is responsible for our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us.

It influences our thoughts, feelings, beliefs actions and reactions.

Some of the more overt symptoms of shame are:

• Worrying about what others think of us.
• Feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, rejection, and meaninglessness.
• The inability to show up authentically and be vulnerable.
• Not sharing or sharing your thoughts or feelings because we feel they will be discounted or even mocked.
• Believing ourselves to be different, outsiders or even outcasts.
• Being hyper vigilant and feeling suspicious and mistrustful of other people.

The body is an ecosystem and the mind, body and spirit all influence and impact each other.

Shame shows up in the body in a number of ways:

• A rush of flushing heat
• Ringing in the ears
• Constriction of the chest
• Disassociation from the body

These physical symptoms arise because shame puts our body into fight or flight mode, and we feel vulnerable and unsafe.

The emotional and physical results of shame are unpleasant, and we often try to avoid them, or bury them.

The most common ways we do this is by pushing people away, avoiding shame triggering situations, isolating and not revealing our true feelings, beliefs and intentions.

The problem is resistance is futile.

Shame thrives and multiplies in the dark. The only way to get past shame is to go through it.

We do this by doing the very thing we are trying to avoid.

We shine a light on our shame. We get curious about it. We explore, investigate and direct it. We share and discuss it.

Eventually, shame is no longer the monster hiding under the bed. When we pull back the covers and expose it for what it really is, we see it is not so scary after all.

The thing we were fearing all along was our fear.