On The Wire - March 21, 2012
March 21, 2012
HOW TO SPOT A TERRORIST
You Just Might Be An Idiot If... - The New Jersey office of Homeland Security has created a training video that tells airport agents not to use race or religion to profile terrorists. Instead, they suggest looking for certain behaviors. For instance, if a traveler has a cold stare, a "trance-like gaze"or wide "flashbulb eyes," he might be a terrorist. If he repeatedly touches his face or ears, excessively watches a clock, fidgets, paces, trembles or yawns exaggeratedly, he might be a terrorist. If he has goose bumps, or if he perspires, he might be a terrorist. The video notes these indicators are not fool-proof and "are not guarantees of terrorist activities."
- If a passenger is displaying all of them, he might just be Tom Arnold.
- He might just be an innocent passenger who's nervous because the plane is full of young, Arab males.
- So fidgeting, yawning, perspiring and goose bumps...That means if someone is nervous or relaxed or hot or cold, he might be a terrorist.
- If someone has a cold stare, a trance-like gaze or flashbulb eyes, he might be a terrorist, so you'd better take his white cane away from him.
MOMS' COOKING BETTER THAN WIVES
Nobody Turns Blood Into Pudding Like Mom - The Food Network UK surveyed 2,000 British men and found that men prefer their mothers' cooking to their wives'. A spokesman said, "As adults, men still seek the comfort and tradition of the cooking they have grown up with," so they turn to their mothers for what they consider a "proper meal." In fact, about one in four men said they often sneak to their mothers' houses for a meal without telling their partners. And one in 10 men had caused problems in their relationships by telling their partners that they could use some cooking tips from their mothers.
- But they're happier now, because they're back home living with mom.
- This was also the plot of every episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond."
- Most men also feel sorry for their children, because their mother's cooking sucks.
- We are talking about British cooking, here, so it's sort of like arguing that arsenic is tastier than strychnine.
ICE CREAM NEWS
Really Tubby Chubby Hubby - Ben & Jerry celebrated Vermont legalizing gay marriage by briefly renaming "Chubby Hubby" ice cream to "Hubby Hubby." Now, they're trying to promote gay marriage in Britain by changing the name of a flavor only available there, "Oh My Apple Pie," to "Apple-y Ever After."
- Congratulations, that is truly the gayest name possible.
- To mark the first bitter gay divorce, they'll rename it "Rotten to the Core."
- Do you think Ben and Jerry are trying to tell us something?