Just Another Day At The Office ... Or Not
Over Two Dozen Stations Blame Paige Nienaber For Everything
April 1, 2013 at 7:00 AM (PT)
It's tough being promotion bon vivant and subliminally fey PAIGE NIENABER. After last year's APRIL FOOL'S stunts, where only three of his client stations lost their licenses, were tagged with $1.8 million in accrued fines and lost dozens of canceled advertisers, not to mention the CNN coverage of a suburban CHICAGO high school lacrosse team being expelled after they followed B96/CHICAGO’s instructions that it was "Take Your Gun To The Credit Union Day" -- and the 120,000 dead in INDIA after KDWB/MINNEAPOLIS morning Visigoth DAVE RYAN prank-called the night shift at DOW CHEMICAL and told him to mix tank A and tank B ... (but why quibble over minutiae?) ...PAIGE felt that this year, it was high time that radio really push the envelope.
Which, to be honest, isn't that difficult, since an envelope barely weighs an ounce. Nonetheless and alwaysthemore, PAIGE perspired, let alone inspired, the following stations to embark on the following adventures. (Your mileage may vary.)
* We begin our sordid journey at WPOW (POWER 96)/MIAMI, which alerted their audience to the state’s newest highway law, wherein the police can now randomly pull vehicles over for no reason and inspect the drivers’ mobile phones. If a text was sent in the previous five minutes, they’ll get a $500 ticket on the spot.
* You may not know this, but hockey is in the citizens of TORONTO's blood (which explains their ridiculously high rate of blocked arteries, but we digest...) Since the TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS are completely sold out and 90% of their tickets held by corporations, the average fan is rarely able to see a game. Until now. Local owners announced today that the FLORIDA PANTHERS are moving north and into a to-be-built 20,000-seat arena. CKGE (Rock 94.9), OSHAWA, ONT has been carrying the news and tweeting details, including covering a press conference hosted by some of the biggest names in Canadian hockey -- voiced expertly by an impersonator. The team's website is www.gtapanthers.com.
* The KKOB/ALBUQUERQUE morning show celebrated the grand opening of the world’s largest underground water park with a daylong broadcast from the natural wonder.
* WRWD/POUGHKEEPSIE has been running spots for The Old Bunny Buffet, so morning host TOMMY LEE WALKER will be doing a remote this afternoon at the market’s newest dining experience where you can pick your dinner out of a holding pen and bring home a rabbit’s foot as a lucky souvenir.
* WPGC/WASHINGTON, D.C. woke up its audience to a new format -- the old format. Old School music hosted by all of the staff from the '80s and '90s.
* WAJZ (JAMZ 86.3)/ALBANY, NY morning host J WILL got a surprise call from PRESIDENT OBAMA, who made national news when he called for a change of the National Anthem to "Ignition" by R KELLY.
* WNKS (KISS 95.1)/CHARLOTTE morning trio DREX, MANEY and CASSIDAY featured the story of a local woman who has seven children and is now pregnant with triplets -- and predictably, a network has picked up her story and will follow her story, complete with a season finale where she will give the three ugliest children up for adoption. Here's a link to the TV show's website.
* KDWB/MINNEAPOLIS morning entity DAVE RYAN saw his show go sideways this morning following a call from a listener with a sexual addiction and a desire to settle down with just one guy ... and maybe the special guy is listening!
* CFRQ (Q-104)/HALIFAX put together an audio production that would rival MACY’s as they did an exclusive broadcast from the 41st annual EASTER parade downtown. Now if only they had an EASTER parade ... but it's the thoughtless that counts, eh?
* Today’s audience e-blast from KBZT (94/9)/SAN DIEGO was a tad light on Alternative news and just a smidge heavy on Classic Rock.
* Both WDZH (98.7 AMP)/DETROIT and WDAY (Y-94)/FARGO reminded their listeners that time was running out to get their pets registered for their respective state pet taxes. The news wasn't met with causal indifference. In fact, one family called in to COOP on AMP and said that they’d discussed it and that it came down to paying for RASCAL’s tax, or taking a summer vacation. They’ll be receiving a DVD of RASCAL’s euthanasia.
* The WBHJ (95.7 JAMZ)/BIRMINGHAM morning show at has been heavily promoting a new feature just for adults at 7:40a. At 7:40a this morning, nothing was different, but the follow-up calls were all from people who loved it and thought it was great.
* CFUL (90.3 AMP)/CALGARY invited the audience out to join them for bills. Lots of bills. The first 1,000 people to show up got $100 bills/invoices for listening to the station.
* KSON/SAN DIEGO's JOHN and TAMMY played College Of HOLLYWOOD Knowledge where listeners tried to beat TAMMY. And no one could; apparently only TAMMY could correctly answer that LINDA RONSTADT dated RONALD REAGAN and that JODI FOSTER’s first Oscar was for ET.
* DYNGUS DAY is a to the Polish community what ST. PATRICK’S DAY is to the Irish community. So WJYE (JOY-FM)/BUFFALO morning host LAURA DANIELS revealed a little-known fact that pussy willows are banned on that holiday.
* On "April Fuels Day," VIRGIN RADIO/VANCOUVER offered $1,000 in free gas to anyone who got the appointment time + text pass code. Good luck getting it.
* Half a dozen stations, including JAMMIN’ 107/NEW LONDON and HOT 96.7/MANKATO, ran spots (produced by LAURA DANIELS at TSM in BUFFALO) on plastic surgery for toddlers, so no one should have to deal with an ugly kid any longer. The reaction on FACEBOOK and TWITTER was a tad more than muted. In MANKATO, they’re doing a remote from one of the clinics this afternoon. Expect screaming infants in the background.
* WNYQ (Q-101.7)/QUEENSBURY, NY PD/mornings JACKIE DONOVAN took a call from BILL CLINTON (impersonator STEVE VAN ZANDT) to discuss the rumor that he and HILARY were buying a local landmark to establish state residence for a presidential run. DONOVAN lured the Mayor in on it, too.
* WNTQ (93Q)/SYRACUSE morning duo TED and AMY tasered the "nervous parent" audience with a topic about a new designer drug that is a hit with the kids -- DHMO. Odorless. Clear. Flavorless. Kids can use it at school and no one will know!
* FRANKIE C and the Zoo at KZHT/SALT LAKE CITY will join local media and even CNN as the eyes of the world turn to a GREAT SALT LAKE beach near Salt Air where some form of prehistoric creature has washed up. Pics on the Zoo’s page, too!
* WLLD (WILD 94.1)/TAMPA PD/mornings ORLANDO DAVIS as been picked to be in a new ICE CUBE film and has fought to have four listeners get parts in the movie. Audition times and other screenings may be a tad dicey..
* WHZT (HOT 98.1)/GREENVILLE, SC night-timer SHORTY just happens to have LIL WAYNE’s mobile number. We wonder if his listeners want it ... Also, HOT 98.1 is celebrating its 12th anniversary by inviting the state of SOUTH CAROLINA out to a daylong celebration at Capn’ Flapjacks for a free stack of 12. Too bad even any GPS or even SIRI has a clue to where that is, because it sounds delicious over the air!
* RADIOWAVE 96.7/WINDHOEK is rolling back the clocks 23 hours with the kickoff of Week Day Savings Time, a new national initiative.
* Either WJHM (102 JAMZ)/ORLANDO has one helluva stick, or its stream is very popular in CHINA. How else can one explain all of the callers speaking Mandarin?
* Don't ya hate when this happens? KSAS (KISS)/BOISE afternooner Lucky THA DJ had his phone hacked, and pics that he never wanted to see the light of day are being threatened with release by the local version of TMZ. At 4p TODAY, they’ll be released despite impassioned pleas by listeners for LUCKY’s privacy.
* KCIX (MIX 106)/BOISE is running spots for a herbal steroid so that your six-year-old T-ball player can bulk up just like the big leaguers.
* AUDRA from REWIND/SUDBURY has been picketing naked to stop the neutering of cats. Across the hall at HOT 93.5, listeners are calling in complaining about subtle animals noises (cats, monkeys, elephants) being heard in all of the morning show breaks -- but the hosts don't hear a thing. At HOT 92.3/FREDERICTON, it will just be cat meowing all morning in the background.