Alan Burns And Associates Question Arbitron Suits
July 16, 2009 at 9:14 AM (PT)
ALAN BURNS AND ASSOCIATES CEO ALAN BURNS TODAY announced his company will be offering an important new ratings tool for clients: If you don’t like your ratings, we’ll sue ARBITRON for you.
"Suing ARBITRON over PPM results is an innovative ratings strategy that’s sweeping the country, and we intend to be in the forefront of this movement." says BURNS. "I have no idea why we’ve spent so many years worrying about music, morning shows, marketing, positioning and clutter, when the judicial strategy may have been available all along."
BURNS says his company is hiring dozens of attorneys in order to be able to begin litigation as soon as each set of weeklies rolls. The company plans to offer a fixed-price menu of suits. "Suing to change one month’s demo results will be one price; overhauling the sample panel another, and so on," said BURNS. "We expect business to boom."
Okay, okay -- calm down. ALAN was planting his tongue firmly in cheek on this one!