Rumor: Clear Channel Acquiring Pandora?
April 1, 2010 at 5:54 AM (PT)
DATELINE SAN ANTONIO (4/1): Reports are flying that radio giant CLEAR CHANNEL is about to possibly, maybe, purchase Internet radio king PANDORA.COM for an undisclosed amount of cash and T-shirts from the prize closet.
Sources familiar with the story tell ALL ACCESS that the newly merged company would be called CLEAR CHANDORA. "We saw the business plan sketched out on cocktail napkin at CLUB COHIBA after JOHN HOGAN and TIM WESTERGREN vacated their double-martini laden table."
Another trusted source said, "I overheard HOGAN tell WESTERGREN that the acquisition would be done in phases. 'As tower lights on stations burn out, we'll pull down those rusty towers and sell em off for scrap -- and we'll geo-fence and geo-target that market so that the localized programming lives on CLEAR CHANDORA and iHEART RADIO simultaneously. Oh yeah, we'll also acquire PANDORA JEWELRY, too. Nice synergy!'"
When contacted for an official comment, CLEAR CHANNEL sources told ALL ACCESS, "Yes, it's all true, kinda maybe sorta -- and RANDY MICHAELS is coming back to the company, as well. That's all dependent on us reanimating GUGLIELMO MARCONI for his approval of this ground-breaking deal."
[What do you think of this 'merger'? Is it the right move for radio, or did you just fall for an April Fool's joke? Let us know in the comments below! And share it with your friends!]