Your Negative Scores
January 26, 2016
Late January was always one of my favorite times to be a top 40 programmer. After a good 6 weeks of no research, I got the first fresh callout report of the year, giving me data to freshen up the music library. It was the first chance to see if those new currents that were added after Thanksgiving were connecting, as well as an opportunity to see which of last Fall's powers had become fatiguing to the audience.
The programming philosophy for any PD is simple. Increase the airplay on songs that generate high passion scores and reduce exposure on the negative songs that no longer serve your audience.
And wouldn't it be great if we were able to take this approach to our personal lives?
Wouldn't it be great to surround ourselves with people who elevate us and encourage us to pursue our passions while simultaneously taking those negative friends and moving them to the "rest category"?
"You are the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with."-Jim Rohn
The fact is, you may not even be consciously aware of which relationships dominate the majority of your waking hours. Yet, if you are feeling dissatisfied and stagnant in your life, this is a key concept to wrap your head around as you make positive changes in 2016. As motivational speaker Mastin Kipp says, "Who you surround yourself with is who you will become".
If you feel unsure as to whether the people surrounding you are truly inspiring you to live your best life, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I feel overcome with self-doubt?
- Am I putting off chasing my dreams? Am I not pursuing that one thing that lights me up inside?
- Do I feel like I have to change who I am to please others?
- Do I take bad advice from people with no track record of success with the goals I have set for myself? (i.e, relationship advice from friends who can't seem to maintain any relationship)
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, then it's time to step back and re-evaluate your social circle.
As humans, our most primary need is to feel connection with other people. Our instinct is to empathize with others as they tell their story. But what happens when we surround ourselves with those friends who always seem to have constant drama, or the dark cloud hanging over their head at all times? We tend to unconsciously take that energy on for ourselves. What's worse is when we realize that many of these high drama, energy sucking, relationships can't seem to find the time to be there for us when we are in need. That's a sure-fire sign that it's time to "break up" with that person.
I realize that this is easier said than done. Breaking off a long standing friendship can be tough and trigger feelings of abandonment or loneliness. But the good news is that as you remove toxic people and environments from your life and truly step into your authentic power, you are clearing the way energetically to fill the void with people who uplift you, support you, and appreciate you for the bold, dynamic, creative person that you are.
I experienced this first-hand in 2012 after going through a terrible breakup. I spent 4 years in a toxic relationship with someone who was always negative, seeing only the worst in others, the world around her, and the worst in me. After spending so much time changing who I was to please someone else, I felt that I had lost all connection to the "real" me. This was further complicated when I realized that I had invested so many years building a snarky, funny, on-air and social media persona that I found myself struggling to be vulnerable enough to ask people for support during a pretty dark time.
It wasn't easy, but after gaining separation from that relationship, I was able let down my guard, be real and admit to people that I was really broken. In the process, I found myself surrounded by more support and love than I ever could have imagined. Those friendships that I forged remain some of the most special relationships to me 4 years later because the friendships were built on rocks and not sand. These weren't friends who stood by me because I worked in radio and had access to concert tickets and meet and greets. They were there because they loved me for who I was.
And it took letting go of the toxicity in my life to usher in that kind of love.
So here is a quick action plan to surround yourself with a better support system in 2016.
- Unapologetically be YOU. Because who you are is spectacular. If you have to turn down the dimmer switch around the people you are spending time with, you need to make a change.
- Distance yourself from the people whose energy brings you down. Don't be a jerk about it and take the attitude that they are beneath you. They are just going down a different road than you are. Wish them the best and then walk your own path.
- Trust that in releasing this energy, you are clearing space to attract new, healthier, more supportive relationships.
- Find a mentor or life coach who can shorten the learning curve when it comes to your personal development. As you work through the transition of creating better boundaries, stepping into your power, and achieving your dreams, you need the support of people who have already accomplished the things you want to create.
To sum this up in programming terms, there was a time in your life when Psy's "Gangnam Style" was the best track to play for your listeners. I bet if you ran it through callout today, the scores would tell a different story 3 years later. Let's thank Psy for his contribution to our ratings in 2013, but we have moved on to playing the tracks that are best for us in the present. Your mission in 2016 is to identify who the Psys are in your personal life and delete them from Selector!