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Free Will
June 1, 2021
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Fate and free will are equally powerful forces, but I consider free will to be more important as it is your free will that determines your fate. Vyasa
These wise words from the band Rush stand the test of time. “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill...I will choose a path that's clear...I will choose freewill.” We all have freewill.” in every breath, every moment, and every day we can make a new choice. Why is it that most of us choose to stay stuck fighting for our limiting beliefs rather than choose from possibility? Have you been avoiding, ruminating over or been in analysis paralysis on a project, or major life overhaul you desire? Maybe it’s a career change, moving to a new city, finally tackling your weight issues, quitting an undesirable habit, taking a leap of faith into marriage or parenthood, or severing ties with toxic people? How much longer are you going to stay stagnant? Another 6 months? Next year? Post pandemic? What’s it going to take to just do it already?
I wrote the rest of this piece in September 2019. I suffered from an identity crisis that began on September 9, 2011, when I was let go from Reprise Records. I loved that job to my core, but also felt a split energy. One that was calling me into a new direction. In hindsight it was a gift, but at the time it felt debilitating. I spent way too much time wallowing in nonsensical BS. It’s interesting how things can swiftly shift when one ventures out of the cocoon of contemplation and playing small then jolts into inspired action. One thing I know for sure is that action is the antithesis of procrastination, and... PROCRASTINATION IS PAINFUL!
Let’s go back there to 2019…. I have been procrastinating launching my own business for almost a decade. 8 years and 1 month to be exact. I’ve been kind of doing it, sorta dipping my toe in the water, but it’s not my “only” means of revenue at the present moment. I have worked in Corporate America for my whole life. My identity as a “worker bee” was ingrained in my subconscious conditioning since childhood. Get a job, work for someone else so YOU can fulfill THEIR dreams and do things their way, tow the company line, climb the corporate ladder, struggle, grind it out, sacrifice time for money, work 40 hours for 40 years in misery to one day retire in the hopes that you haven’t suffered a heart attack from stress beforehand, work until your eyeballs bleed etc. Sounds like a blast, right?
I think about these things and wonder WTF is wrong with me? I have so many creative ideas brewing in my soul. I have desires and a calling to serve others. I have dreams bigger than the universe can house. God doesn’t give you this kind of yearning if you are not poised to fulfill it! Yet, I’m stifled into submission, and living in the purgatory of procrastination is a painful place. It’s the space between who I used to be, and who I yearn to be. It’s the dark night of the soul. It’s the time when my old identity no longer serves me, but my new identity has yet to emerge. What has to happen in order for me to get inspired into action? How much worse does it have to get to catapult my ass into “just do-ing” it?
Life is choice. Notice I didn’t say life is A CHOICE. Why am I choosing to stay stuck and fucked? Why am I giving fear all my power? Am I going to die if my business fails? I am 100% responsible for my current circumstances whether I like it or not. Life reflects you. I see it plain as day... yet here I sit, another day living in the pain of procrastination. Maybe procrastination and struggle is a habit of mine? Maybe I need to kick this habit like people quit smoking or drinking???
To be transparent, I’ve also done tons of personal development work. I practice meditation and self-hypnosis daily. I’m a certified life coach and ICBCH certified hypnotist. If there’s a class on manifestation, raising your standards, practicing gratitude, transforming from the inside, emotional mastery, living the good life, how to attract gobs of money, motivation and being highly productive, I’ve taken it. I’ve gone to inspiring seminars, hired a coach, watched myriads of webinars, and participated in mastermind groups. According to NY Times best-selling author, motivational speaker, and life coach Gabby Bernstein, maybe I’m a manic manifestor? Maybe I’m suffering from a self-imposed imposter syndrome? Why is it so easy to see other people’s blinders, but be completely oblivious to your own? I obviously have some resistance going on somewhere because I’m not “there” YET. Then again, there is no there! There’s only NOW.
I claim to have had epiphanies and realizations that procrastination is no way to live. Simply, the only way to get out of “knowing” it is to truly “embody” it. As Mike Dooley, another New York Times Bestselling author, speaker, and entrepreneur in the philosophical New Thought movement said, stop asking “how” and just set your virtual GPS to your new destination. Act “as if” you’re already there. Where exactly is “there” again? Lol. I must kill the old me, so the new me can come to fruition. I must raise my vibration, change my frequency and live in the quantum field of possibility. I must fully embrace living in consciousness and use the power of the universe to craft my fabulous future.
Getting back to you my fine reader...it’s 2021! Is today your day?? Maybe today is the day to BEcome someone new? To DO something new...Or maybe not...
I hope this has served you as it has for me. After all, it's always an Inside-Project.
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be” Ralph Waldo Emerson
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