Remotely Funny ...

This time of year reminds me of my on-air days and all the paid remotes during the holiday season. It especially brings to mind the toy store remote I did at a mall with a Rent-A-Santa on a "Black Friday." Things went great, all the happy faces, the kids telling Santa what they wanted, and the call backs were fun because you could hear holiday music from the mall sound system in the background. It wasn't too cold, and the station van was set up next to Santa and his elf.

Time To Go ...

I was sorry it was time for us to pack up and leave. It was also time for a Santa shift change and because it was my third year doing this remote, I knew the routine; Santa would tell the kids he had to go and call Mrs. Claus at the North Pole. He would disappear to a dressing room and then the next scheduled Santa would head out to start his shift.

Maybe Santa Spiked His Eggnog ...

Apparently, the Santa during my remote was new to the job. The whole point of the Santa dressing room switch-out was so the little ones would be none the wiser there isn't really a Santa Claus. To this day I have assumed that Rent-A -Santa was either sipping on some "Gin and Juice" or was running late for his next Jolly Saint Nick gig. The guy came out the side door of the dressing room adjacent to The Santa Wonderland area with his Santa suit on and beard in hand; he hopped into a convertible and drove off. One problem, it was in full sight of all the kids and parents waiting in line for the Santa who just took over. The shock on all the kids' faces and those poor parents trying to explain and console. Every time I hear the term "Black Friday," I remember that day.

During this holiday season I thought you might need a reminder for any remotes coming your way. And by the way, if you work with any Rent-A-Santas, please remind them to change into street clothes after they finish work for the day.

Checklist of Things of Do for Appearances and Remotes

• Get to your appearance or remote at least 30 minutes prior to the beginning; this means the time promoted for the hours you are to be on location, not 30 minutes prior to the first call-back. If anything must be set up -- for example, a tent or a table, and you are by yourself -- get there an hour ahead of time.
• Make sure you have all the up-to-the-minute talking points for your call-back reports. If by yourself, double-check to make sure you know what to talk about. Write out three scripts to read from for your call-backs and rotate during the remote.
• Most on-location breaks are recorded, but clients don't always know this. Yes, you are live, but recorded live. Just make sure the client cannot see you when recording. When the actual times for airing your recorded breaks come up, lip sync in front of everyone, but off to the side as if they are live. Live call-ins can lead to huge problems and are generally not done, but are sometimes necessary, so be careful. (Your current PD may have different ideas in this area.)
• The personality or board op in the studio is not your personal production person; have a stopwatch or use the clock function on your smartphone to time things out. If you can't do things in one take, do clean pickups so the studio can edit easily.
• Some of those shopping will approach you and some won't. Go right up to people, smile and let them know why you are there. Depending on the number of people, spend a little time with each, but keep moving and connect with as many people as possible.
• Meanwhile, keep track of when your call-ins are to occur and the times they air. Do not wait until the last minute. Unless your PD says otherwise, call to record at least 15 minutes prior to the actual airing.
• Wear a station jersey or jacket. If your station does not put the names of their air talent on apparel, spend a couple of dollars and get your name stitched on your personal station wear. People will be aware of who you are when they walk up to you. In worst-case scenarios, if your station does not have station apparel, see if programming will provide a laminated card with the station logo and your name that can be pinned to something you will wear.
• If you have prizes to give away, don't just hand them out; either have a drawing box with registrations to hand out (with or without a promotions person) or play simple contests for people to win -- such as announcing that the person with the following four numbers in the serial number of their one dollar bill will win ... or any sort of easy-to-win sort of thing.
• You are only at your appearance for a brief window of time, two to three hours, so eat before you get there. However, if you must eat while there, do it out of sight. There's nothing cool about stuffing your mouth while talking to fans. And it should go without saying, do not drink alcohol, even if it is a pre-concert event, from a club, or at a state fair.
• Do not discuss station business in front of fans or in earshot of a client. If the client has a complaint concerning the remote, hopefully a salesperson is on hand. If you are alone, try to call the salesperson, sales manager or PD, and let them talk to this person. Most important, if it's only you, just listen. Do not offer a solution to anything out of your control. But when you get back to the station leave a detailed note of what happened or e-mail the sales person.
• No personal cellphone calls during your remote.