Overnight Briefing & General Reality Check - May 15, 2017

Sucking the life out of the wire services:

Congratulations to Miss USA winner, KARA McCULLOUGH, a 25-year-old chemist working for the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission. She was Miss District of Columbia at last night's pageant at the Mandalay Bay Convention Center on the Las Vegas Strip. As usual, she becomes the United States contestant in the Miss Universe contest.
Miss New Jersey, CHHAVI VERG, a student at Rutgers University, was first runner up, followed by Miss Minnesota, MERIDITH GOULD, who attends the University of Minnesota.
"Dancing with the Stars" judge and professional dancer JULIANNE HOUGH hosted the show.

Royalty Report:

Hope you've got an extra outfit lined up for PIPPA MIDDLETON's weekend wedding. Yahoo.com reports the bride has requested that guests bring a change of clothing when she ties the knot with JAMES MATTHEWS next Saturday, presumably because the nuptials will be outdoors while the reception is inside. Word is DUCHESS KATE's baby sister only wants wives, husbands or fiancésat the event and put a "no ring, no bring" policy in place --except, of course, for PRINCE HARRY's love, MEGHAN MARKLE. (Lee)

At the local Cop Shop:

Police in California want to make sure your drugs are gluten free.
The Newark Police Department posted a photo of a meth pipe to Facebook with the caption: "Is your meth laced with deadly gluten? Not sure? Bring your meth down to the PD and we will test it for you for free!" The tongue-in-cheek post has been liked and shared hundreds-of-thousands of times. It's unclear if anyone has taken them up on their offer. (Still)

Grace notes from Vinny Marino:

JUSTIN BIEBER did his first-ever concert India last Wednesday, and it did not go well. RollingStone.com says 45-thousand people filled up Patil Stadium in Navi Mumbai, with some fans paying more than $1,000-dollars for a ticket. Justin was accused of lip-synching most of the show with one fan Tweeting, "Bieber was so bad it was hilarious." But, the worst offense seemed to be what Justin was wearing on stage: gym clothes! Another Tweet said he looked (quote), "like he is playing basketball in his driveway." (Marino)