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They're Not Life Preservers, Kid
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A teen is accused of sexual assault of several women on the beach at Surfers Paradise, Australia, and his explanation for WHY his fingers went to the women's most intimate of areas is possibly the worst attempt at an excuse ever: He claims it was all the surf's fault, because it was rough and he was knocked about and tried to grab onto something to maintain his balance. Unfortunately for his excuse, the surf was at about 2-3 feet at the time. (Brisbane Times)
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