Question: Do you want your manager to tell you what you want to hear or would you want them to tell you what you need to hear?

When it comes to getting feedback I think - or at least I hope - we’d choose to know the truth. We may not always like hearing it, but what’s the alternative? To live in a bubble of ignorant bliss; spending our days not learning, stagnating and on a slippery slope to underperforming. That doesn’t sound more enjoyable to me.

If we all would prefer to hear the truth (even if it stings a little), why is it that leaders find it so hard to speak it? The simple truth is, we’re human. We’re hardwired to avoid upsetting the social dynamic. Think about it, when we were wandering the savannah all those many years ago, we were the safest together. Our survival relied on fitting in and not upsetting anyone. You’ve heard the saying “safety in numbers” right? Challenging the norm, or displaying a behavior that may get you rejected by the tribe would mean you’d have to go it alone. Your risk of becoming devoured by a predator gets a lot higher when you have to stroll the desert alone. At our most primal level we need to fit in and belong. We desperately need to get along and feel on the inside of the tribe. Speaking the truth means we’re potentially upsetting the social apple-cart. We all want (and desire) to build strong relationships and be liked. We fear rejection. It stands to reason then that leaders have a natural desire to be liked by those in their tribe which makes it pretty difficult to say it like it is.

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